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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 30, 2013 12:35am-1:35am PST

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guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. thank you very much. that's a great new york city crowd right there. thank you so much. welcome, everybody. it's going to be fun. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." thank you so much. yeah. we've got a big show tonight. that's what i'm talking about.
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[ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. here's what everyone is talking about. "60 minutes" anchor steve kroft is defending sunday's interview with president obama and hillary clinton saying he didn't have time to ask hard-hitting questions. [ light laughter ] it would have been easier to believe if the name of the show wasn't the amount of time he had. [ laughter ] 61 minutes? [ cheers and applause ] 62. 62 minutes. steve kroft is -- he's facing criticism for not asking obama and clinton important questions. it was pretty noticeable, i thought. in fact, here's the entire interview. >> this is not an interview i ever expected to be doing. thank you very much. >> all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, you could tell something was -- [ applause ] speaking of obama, the president just announced that same-sex couples will be included in his immigration reform bill. [ cheers and applause ] when they heard, same-sex couples were like, "you know
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we're already citizens, right?" [ laughter ] this is interesting. today was media day for super bowl xlvii where both teams shared their predictions for sunday's game. [ laughter ] that's pretty crazy. one team thinks they are going to win -- [ laughter ] -- but other team thinks they are going to win. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, my. we all know who's going to win. >> jimmy: who's that? >> steve: that one team. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: the one team. >> jimmy: that other team, too. >> steve: the one teams going to do good -- >> jimmy: but the other team is going to win. [ laughter ] speaking of the super bowl, 49ers wide receiver randy moss apparently told his teammates that they are in new orleans on a business trip and they are not there to have fun. then he went back to his job catching a ball for money. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> steve: like that. >> jimmy: that's not how you throw a football. i don't know what that is. karate. >> steve: yeah. that's jose. >> jimmy: now i'm walking like an egyptian. [ laughter ] this is very interesting here. i read that 5% of americans will watch this year's super bowl alone. [ audience aws ] yeah, it will be weird when they see a player get called for holding and say "sounds nice." [ laughter and applause ] should have ran this under warm water. [ laughter ] ♪ all by myself [ laughter ] i'm doing "bridget jones's diary," the third one. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: i'm playing -- yeah. i'm playing barney jones. >> steve: barnaby jones? >> jimmy: barnaby jones's diary. [ laughter ] excited about it. >> steve: oh, really. >> jimmy: yep. no, but the super bowl is pretty exciting. everyone is talking about the
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fact that the ravens coach, john harbaugh, will face his brother, the 49ers coach, jim harbaugh. the harbaugh brothers. they are facing -- they're coaching in the super bowl. and the harbaughs revealed that they are only texting each other before the game and not talking on the phone. yeah. we actually managed to get a hold of some of their texts. [ laughter ] check this out. first jim texted -- "how's your team?" [ laughter ] then john texted, "good, how's your night light?" [ laughter ] then, he was like, "good. how's your bedwetting?" [ laughter ] then he was like "good, how's your teddy bear that you slept with until you were 12?" [ laughter ] and he was like "mr. cuddles? i mean what teddy bear? [ laughter ] how's the 60-year-old lunch lady you had a crush on?" [ laughter ] then he texted, "selma? i mean, what lunch lady? either way, she's cooler than you." [ laughter ] and he texted back, "way cooler than you?" and finally, he said "that's it, i'm calling mom." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] don't text mom. don't get mom involved. hey you guys, get this. china is close to lifting its
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13-year ban on selling video game consoles such as xbox and playstation in the country. chinese kids are super excited, but their parents are like "no xbox or playstation until you're finished building those xboxes and playstations." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] what? [ clicking sounds ] [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] the sound effects. let's do a xylophone. ready? [ laughter ] >> steve: do it again. do it again. >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: actually, that was good. >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. thank you. [ laughter ]
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do a duck. all right, let's do it right here. [ duck call ] [ fart noise ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: completely ridiculous. you guys, get this. a nursing home in the uk is facing criticism for letting its residents hire prostitutes on a regular basis. [ laughter ] it's pretty crazy. for an extra 50 bucks, the hookers will actually blow on your soup. [ laughter ] and finally, justin bieber is being investigated for accidentally hitting a security guard with a dart from a nerf gun. if convicted, bieber could face up to six months in time-out. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for the roots. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: we have an awesome show tonight. she is a charlie's angel. we love her so much. she's always great on the show. from the big cbs show, "elementary," lucy liu is here! [ cheers and applause ] we're going to have fun with lucy liu. her show is great. another great show -- you know him as mike from the hit series, "mike & molly." billy gardell is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] funny, funny gentleman. and we have music from ultraista. ultraista. [ cheers and applause ] going to be a fun time. hey guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of super bowl xlvii. yeah. >> steve: ooh.
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>> jimmy: it is the san francisco 49ers versus the baltimore ravens this sunday in new orleans. it's the big game. so let's take a look -- >> go broncos! >> jimmy: go broncos, good idea. [ laughter ] that's my bookie, by the way. >> steve: is it really? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: awful. let's take a look at the pros and cons of super bowl xlvii. here we go. pro -- watching beyonce sing during the halftime show. con -- hearing her sing two seconds later. [ laughter ] might be lip synching. [ applause ] might be lip synching. pro -- the winning team gets to go to the white house. con -- the losing team gets to go to the white house with al roker. >> steve: oh. [ laughter and applause ] why? why? >> jimmy: why? >> steve: why? they're pooped. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're full of it. >> steve: yeah, yeah. they're just pooped. >> jimmy: i just don't understand why he would do this. >> steve: what? you'll find out. >> jimmy: no, i mean, why -- why he would admit to doing that. >> steve: pooping his pants? >> jimmy: i would never ever admit to anyone. >> steve: no, ever, ever. >> jimmy: no, i said this before. i would -- if i did that, i
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wouldn't even tell my wife, my family. i would just be like, "all right, guys. everyone get in the car. we just met the president." [ laughter ] >> steve: why are you walking that way? >> jimmy: what? no, he does not. isn't that great? everyone had a great time. you get in the car -- [ cheers and applause ] -- go there and then get in the car. oh yeah, get in the car. [ laughter ] everyone, get in the car we'll just -- [ laughter ] talk to -- mr. -- president -- barack -- [ laughter ] [ duck noises ] harbaugh? [ duck noises ] >> steve: oops. what? okay. all right. [ cheers and applause ]
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here we go, back to pros and cons. pro -- the 49ers team slogan is "who's got it better than us? nobody." con -- baltimore's team slogan is "that's so ravens." [ laughter ] pro -- subway will be airing a 30 second commercial. con -- actually, we measured it, it's only 28 seconds long. [ laughter ] that's how they get you. that's how they get you, the extra two seconds. [ applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: can't fool me, man. pro -- the word "49ers" refers to people in california that dig for gold. con -- so does the word "kardashian." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that's true. that's true. google that. i ain't saying she a gold digger. [ laughter ] ♪ she take my money >> questlove: go ahead. >> jimmy: pro -- [ laughter ] no. pro -- if you don't like football, why not watch the puppy bowl? >> steve: oh.
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>> jimmy: con -- if you don't like football or puppies, why not get out of america? >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] bingo, comrade. >> jimmy: pro -- watching the harbaugh brothers battle for the championship at the super bowl. con -- watching the manning brothers battle for the guacamole at a super bowl party. [ laughter ] that could get ugly. that could get ugly. >> steve: oh, boy. >> jimmy: pro -- the 49ers quarterback, colin kaepernick, has the heart of a champion. con -- and the name of a leprechaun. [ laughter ] [ irish accent ] >> steve: hey, colin kaepernick. >> jimmy: hey, colin kaepernick. [ laughter ] pro -- a lot of people think it's going to take a miracle for the ravens to win, but quarterback joe flacco believes in miracles. con -- especially after he saw the face of jesus in john madden's neck fat. >> steve: really? [ laughter ] oh. what?
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>> jimmy: why? why would he bother? he saw that? >> steve: yes. apparently, he saw it. >> jimmy: maybe it was a blotch of skin or something. >> steve: maybe there's just too much fat. i don't know. >> jimmy: no one knows. >> steve: joe flacco. >> jimmy: and finally, pro -- hearing beyonce sing "all the single ladies." con -- hearing manti te'o sing "all the invisible ladies." there you go. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] there's your pros and cons. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more "late night." come on back. we'll have fun tonight. ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back to our show. thank you so much for watching at home. before we get started, just want to give a quick shout-out to my agent jeff jacobs, he's best. love that guy. asked him for tickets to the nets game last week. and got me seats, but not great seats. [ laughter ] but they were decent, and he had to sit next to me whole game. so thanks, jeff. you're a great guy. [ applause ] >> questlove: hey, hey. jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. i didn't know we were doing shout-outs. can i do one? >> jimmy: sure, quest, go on. >> questlove: cool! yo, can i get some shout-out music? ♪ [ light laughter ] all right. this is your man questo, and i
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want to give a shout-out to the class that i'm teaching at nyu this semester called classic albums with professor questlove, and i'll be going over some of the classic albums of all time, like michael jackson's "off the wall," prince's "dirty mind" and the beastie boys' "paul's boutique." so if you want to put your college credit to good use, sign up for classic albums with professor questlove, and trust me. you won't regret it. jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good for you. great shout-out, quest. >> questlove: thank you man. >> jimmy: good for you, buddy. >> yo, it's my turn, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay, kamal, go ahead. >> yo, shout-out to yarn. [ laughter ] yeah. yarn is amazing. cats roll it around on the carpet, looking cute as hell. sassy old grandma can sit in the crazy ass rocking chair while knitting some beautiful sweaters like this. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. so if you're looking for some fun and you don't give a darn, wipe that smile off your face and grab some heavy ass strings of yarn. deuces. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: deuces? never knew you loved yarn so much. >> yo, i got a shout-out, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. chris, our editor there. chris, let's hear, it buddy. >> shout-out to dunce caps. we need to bring these things back. when i'm walking around, i want to know who's a dunce and who's not. otherwise, how do you know? are you a dunce? i assume not, because you're not wearing the cap, but maybe you are. do you see the dilemma? come on, america. let's give the dunce a chunce. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: give the dunce a chunce. okay. [ applause ] >> yeah, hey. i've got a shout-out, mr. fallon. >> jimmy: yeah, in the audience. go ahead. >> shout-out to one thing, getting freaky on the dance floor. [ light laughter ] when i leave the office on friday, all i can think about is getting down and dirty on that dance floor. i may not look very wild, but when i get on the dance floor, i'm a freaky child. [ laughter ] i like to wiggle and hop and shake my rump and grind my hips like i'm about to hump. [ laughter ] that's it. and i can't wait to go home
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tonight and have a quiet spaghetti dinner with my wife, lisa. >> jimmy: all right, that sounds really nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's tariq's turn there, jimbo. >> jimmy: okay. tariq, go for it. >> okay, shout-out to winter. i'm talking about watching the snow fall while you're all cozy by the fire. i love winter. but if you're in need for some extra heat, i've got a recipe that can't be beat. i'm talking about my five-alarm winter chili. that's one, two, three, four, five. that's some great chili, tariq. thanks, tariq. to make this, all you'll need is chicken broth, a little ground beef, some chili peppers, diced oregano, some extra chunky salsa. you better believe i like a little chunk in the trunk. [ laughter ] brr. it's chilly in here. five-alarm chili, that is. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much.
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that's really great. i might just make that tonight. >> no, you won't. >> jimmy: all right, all right. very good. >> i'd like to give a shout-out as well. >> jimmy: whoa, whoa, whoa, that's mc minute man, everybody. mc minute man, go for it. >> oh man, shout-out to fresh-squeezed lemonade. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> it's so delicious that i wrote a rap song about it. you guys want to hear it? [ cheers and applause ] >> hit it, roots. one, two, three, four. ♪ well, when i was just born and my life had just begun i started to drink hi-c ♪ ♪ but then i grew and soon i knew it wasn't a drink for me because ♪ ♪ we like fresh-squeezed lemonade we like fresh-squeezed lemonade ♪ ♪ i said we like fresh-squeezed lemonade we like fresh-squeezed lemonade ♪ ♪ i'm gonna take this lemon and call my friend kevin and go over to his place ♪ ♪ i'll give him a tip to take a sip and say boo-yah in your face ♪ ♪ i said boo-yah in your face break it down now ♪
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♪ dang dang diggity dang dang da diggity dang dong ding dong ding pop da diggity ♪ ♪ flip flop tip top don't stop bebop hippity hop to the hippity hop ♪ ♪ i said powerade i said gatorade i said minute maid i said lemonade ♪ ♪ i say federal aid i said grants and aid i said medicade i said lemonade ♪ ♪ i said first aid i said farm aid i said band-aid i said lemonade ♪ ♪ i said the game's we played and places we stayed and the fans we make we said lemonade ♪ ♪ i said we like fresh-squeezed lemonade we like fresh-squeezed lemonade ♪ ♪ i said yes, we do like lemonade we like fresh-squeezed lemonade ♪ word! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. mc minute man. let me see if i get this straight now. shout-out to questlove's class at nyu. [ cheers and applause ] shout-out to yarn! [ cheers and applause ] shout-out to dunce caps. [ cheers and applause ] shout-out to getting freaky on the dance floor.
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[ cheers and applause ] shout-out to winter. [ cheers and applause ] and shout-out to fresh-squeezed lemonade. >> oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and shout-out to jeff jacobs. and we'll be back with more "late night," everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. shhhh shhhh shhhh [ cheeses ] surprise! did you plan all this? pretty mature, huh? wow. that is really mature. go ahead. blow out the candle! oh. [ laughs ] [ candle whistles ] [ cheeses gasp ] [ cheese #2 ] surprise. i am so good at this! [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker. because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. [ male announcer ] it's red lobster's 30 shrimp! for $11.99 pair any two shrimp selections on one plate! like mango jalapeño shrimp and parmesan crunch shrimp.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy-nominated actress who stars in the new hit cbs show "elementary," which airs thursdays at 10:00 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the lovely lucy liu.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm taking about right there. please. oh, my gosh. lucy liu, you look gorgeous. >> thank you. >> jimmy: as always. thank you for coming back to the show, and congrats on "elementary." >> i know. i mean, it's been -- >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. >> yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's biggest new series out there. >> it's really exciting. i mean, you know, you go into something and you're excited about it. but then, when people actually watch it, you're like -- oh, okay. this is good. you know? >> jimmy: yeah, it always helps when people are watching. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, unlike this show. >> cut it out. come on. everyone loves jimmy. >> jimmy: it's fine. uh, no. and then, bigger than big, you have the post-super bowl slot -- time slot. >> yes. >> jimmy: so when people are done watching the show, they stick around. they see you. >> after they see the super bowl, and they watch, and they drink. and they eat popcorn and hot dogs. >> jimmy: yeah, and party down. >> you know, lose their voices. then, they get to watch our show. >> jimmy: that's major. >> yeah, i know! cbs put us right behind the super bowl, which means they
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really believe in the show, and they're excited. >> jimmy: i think it's like 300 million people watch the super bowl. >> oh, my god. i guess, if everyone fell off and, like, maybe 10% -- it would still be a great thing. >> jimmy: no, please. >> you know what i mean? >> jimmy: it's going to still be a great thing. >> but, we're doing, like, a new interview -- i mean, a new show and then that show -- so it's like three shows in a row. >> jimmy: wow. >> i am going to the game. >> jimmy: you -- you're going? cbs -- >> they invited me to go to the game. >> jimmy: -- is bring the money. moonves is bringing -- >> les is the best, yes. so, so generous. this is my first super bowl ever. my first professional anything. >> jimmy: what do you mean? you don't like -- you don't go to sports? >> i don't because, i'm not tall enough, and i get trampled. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. lucy, come on. >> i get trampled. i do. no, i'm not tall enough. after the game ends and everyone's like leaving, it's just like suffocating. i just pray, like this might be it. this might be my last thing. >> jimmy: this might be the first and last. >> this is, like, my last interview of my life. >> jimmy: get there early -- get there early and leave late. >> jimmy: that's what you have to do. >> get there early or leave early. get there -- i don't know. >> jimmy: are you rooting for any team? do you -- >> i'm not. i'm just going to wear black. >> jimmy: yeah, that's good. >> you know, people from
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new york, they wear black. i'm not rooting for any team right now, because i think it's great. you know, the two brothers competing against each other. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i mean, that's kind of a huge thing. it's historic, isn't it? >> jimmy: it's -- well, i guess. >> you don't think it's a big deal? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't really know. >> i mean, how random is that? >> jimmy: i think they make up these things to hype up the game. >> no, those guys -- >> jimmy: this has never happened. we have a full moon, and i've never seen a pass thrown at this time with a full moon. >> i'm totally a sucker for that. >> jimmy: me too. i was like, "oh, my god, history's being made." >> i love it. what's going to happen with the parents? >> jimmy: it's not, yeah. >> the parents are going to be like -- they can't have a reaction. >> jimmy: i've never seen the mascot, so it's exciting. who cares, but whatever. they are going to -- yes, the coaches are going head to head. >> no, it's awesome. and the parents, literally, if somebody -- you know, anything happens and somebody gets a touchdown, they have to be completely numb to it. >> jimmy: the parents shouldn't even go. yeah, exactly. >> nothing. >> jimmy: no reaction. >> no reaction. >> jimmy: yeah. just watch "the puppy bowl." then, go back to watching "elementary." yeah. are your parents excited about "elementary?" >> um -- i pause. >> jimmy: why? wait, they aren't? i love -- come on, they're
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hilarious. >> no, my parents are amazing. but, they don't -- still to this day, don't totally get what i do. still to this day. >> jimmy: acting means nothing to them? >> no, i did this, like, amazing, you know, season of "southland." where i played this cop. i was getting beaten up, and it was, like, really fabulous. it's a critically acclaimed show, but it's on cable, so they never saw it, you know. but now that, you know, cbs -- it's like you don't even need an antenna. >> jimmy: yeah, you just get cbs -- you get it on your phone. yeah, exactly. so they can see it now. >> i hope so. i don't know. i haven't -- you know, they haven't said, "oh, i saw the show. i loved it." >> jimmy: maybe after the super bowl, they'll stick around and watch. [ laughter ] >> well, you know, it's like -- you know, you're like a doctor and you save people. if you're a real estate agent, you're selling and you're buying homes and stuff, you're helping. >> jimmy: yeah, you know what they are doing. >> an actress? it's like, what are you doing? >> jimmy: oh, no, no. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: but you do a lot of stuff. >> they would be very confused about your career as well. >> jimmy: they are confused. >> would be really confused. like you sit there and you -- >> jimmy: yeah, my parents are pretty confused, too. they're like, what did we do wrong? >> so you're, like, fake partying and sharting. okay.
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[ audience oohs ] [ cheers and applause ] that's a success. >> jimmy: i don't know. i know that we can say one of those words. >> uh-oh. >> jimmy: it wasn't fake, by the way. but, here's the thing -- [ laughter ] >> is that why you're eating all that chili backstage? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. yeah, exactly. >> or was it just a taste test? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> you're very, like, you know -- you're in the character. >> jimmy: all right. we get it. all right. [ laughter ] get over it. i wasn't really doing it. [ applause ] you're embarrassing me. i want to talk to you about everything cool. you do really good stuff for unicef. >> yes. >> jimmy: and very nice of you to do that. >> you know i love working with children, and i love working with unicef and heinz. they do this program for children, you know, helping to fight anemia. i mean, it's a great program. and, you know, it's good to give back, always. >> jimmy: yeah, that's good stuff. good for you. i like -- thank you for doing that. i just wanted to thank you for doing that. >> yeah. [ applause ] >> jimmy: on our show -- we like to play games on our show. >> i love -- okay, i haven't won anything yet. >> jimmy: no, you haven't. >> not -- no, because -- >> jimmy: what have we played? >> no, because you're always doing these ball sports and, it's like, i'm terrible. >> jimmy: ball sports? >> yeah, like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what?
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hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. ♪ oh, my god, yeah. >> beer pong. >> jimmy: yes, beer pong, i beat you at. >> you beat me at that. you beat me at something else. >> jimmy: well, this one -- anyone can win this one. have you ever played rock, paper, scissors? >> okay, stop. [ light laughter ] stop. rock, paper, scissor is like my -- my life. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> i make major decisions on rock, paper, scissor. >> jimmy: do you really? >> yeah, like am i going to take this show? rock, paper, scissor. two out of three. am i going to eat italian or am i going to have japanese? rock, paper or scissors. scissor yourself? >> jimmy: you rock, paper, >> no, you need, like -- >> jimmy: you go, "i won!" i want to see -- >> someone has to be passionate. >> jimmy: you have to find a person to make a decision. >> you have to have a passionate person. like, you be japanese. i be italian. like, that's what we're going to have tonight. so if you win it -- you know what i mean? like, are you going to buy this house? rock, paper, scissor. >> jimmy: am i going to buy this house? >> am i going to refinance? rock, paper, scissor. >> jimmy: oh, my god. what is going on? >> come on. it's fun. it makes it easy. >> jimmy: here's the deal. if you're so -- i'm very passionate. >> i'm gung ho. >> jimmy: and you are passionate. ready for this? >> what's happening? >> jimmy: i'm going to add one element. >> okay. >> jimmy: pie. rock, paper, scissors.
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>> not the elements of pi? >> jimmy: no, like the pi. the food pie. [ laughter ] we're going to do this when we get back. i'll show you what's up. when we come back, rock, paper, scissors, pie with lucy liu. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i played a round of golf.id in the last five hours? then i read a book while teaching myself how to play guitar; ran ten miles while knitting myself a sweater; how to play guitar; jumped out of a plane. finally, i became a ping pong master while recording my debut album. how you ask? with 5-hour energy. i get hours of energy now -- no crash later. wait to see the next five hours. ...tax time can ofbe...well...taxing. so right now we'll give you... ...$10 off any turbo tax deluxe level software or higher! find thousands of big deals now...
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♪ >> jimmy: hey, welcome back, everybody. i'm here with the beautiful lucy liu, and we're about to play a game that requires a little bit of skill and a lot of luck. it's called "rock, paper, scissors, pie." [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: rock, paper, scissors, pie! >> jimmy: now, the game is very simple, all right? lucy and i will take places here right behind these carnival cutouts and stick our faces and arms through the holes. we'll go head to head -- rock, paper, scissors. whoever loses each round has to click the pie throwing mechanism in front of me. okay? completely random. you never know which click is going to result in a pie getting smashed in your face. the first one to get hit with two loses. you ready? >> okay. >> jimmy: positions. >> so we sit on this thing?
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>> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] all right. you ready? >> okay. >> jimmy: we got to go rock, paper, scissors. ready? >> okay. >> both: rock, paper, scissors, pie. >> oh. >> jimmy: rock, paper, scissors. [ laughter ] click away, my friend. >> oh, my gosh. [ clicks ] [ audience ohs ] [ laughs ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: here we go. ready? rock, paper, scissors. yeah! >> no! >> jimmy: oh! [ laughter ] all right, ready? rock, paper, scissors. >> oh. >> paper covers rock. >> jimmy: paper covers rock, i guess. [ laughter ] but i won't throw your paper away. >> oh. [ clicks ]
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>> jimmy: rock, paper, scissors. oh, rock, paper, scissors. [ audience ohs ] [ clicks ] [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ applause ] >> i love this game. >> jimmy: i can't even see. i can't see at all. >> you need windshield wipers. goggle wipers. >> jimmy: i do not like this game. okay. [ laughter ] >> can you see? >> jimmy: no. i know you're there. [ laughter ] i can't see. ready? stop laughing. >> here, take this towel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what is this? >> utilize it. >> jimmy: okay. that did nothing at all. it made it worse, it made it worse. ready? rock, paper, scissors. who won? who won? >> i won! >> jimmy: you won? >> rock presses scissors. >> jimmy: okay. [ clicks ] [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm so mad! i can't see -- >> i did it three times. >> jimmy: i can't see where i'm headed. i have to take this off. >> wait, i have to show you. this is the third time i won. ready? fourth time. i did it -- >> jimmy: you're going to go for it? >> i'm going to try. look. i'm going to go out and buy a lottery ticket tonight. my fourth time. no, fifth time. >> jimmy: maybe it's broken? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ she is the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] right there, lucy liu. a new episode of "elementary" airs sunday at 10:00 p.m. after the super bowl on cbs. billy gardell is joining us next. come on back. ♪ [ male announcer ] to many men, shaving can be a sensitive issue.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest -- i smell like sour milk right
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now. our next guest is a talented actor and funny comedian who stars opposite melissa mccarthy on the hit show "mike and molly," which airs mondays at 9:30 p.m. on cbs. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show, billy gardell. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: billy gardell. >> how are you? >> jimmy: looking good. looking sharp, buddy. >> yeah, buddy. thanks for having me on. >> jimmy: please. i'm a big fan. >> you guys wasted four good pies. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no -- >> is that what you skinny people do when we're not around? you just throw pies at each other? i'm in the back eating a carrot. you're out there smacking each other with pies. >> jimmy: i know you a little while back. >> yeah, man. >> jimmy: we performed together. >> well, i was on a show called "the gala" in montreal. >> jimmy: montreal. >> you were headlining. you were headlining that. and jimmy did a sketch that had to do -- what was it? something car wash. >> jimmy: car wash for peace. >> car wash for peace.
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>> jimmy: that was my protest song. yeah. >> yeah, and he was gracious enough to let all the comics come on there and be on the stage with him. and now he's a big deal in late night television. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> and he's still not a dick. how about that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. appreciate that. >> you can bleep that, right? you can bleep that. >> jimmy: -- you'd say that. but, i mean, this is -- >> i love when they do the -- >> jimmy: you killed them. you crushed that night. you were so good. >> i did good. i did good. >> jimmy: a lot of people might not know that you do stand-up. >> yeah, you know, it's funny. i did everything backwards. i got on television, and then i got a comedy special. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know what i mean? i got on the talk shows. and i'm not doing stand-up. i went right to car. i do it all backwards. >> jimmy: totally backwards, yeah. >> so people are just starting to discover that i'm a stand-up, and it's been -- >> jimmy: you've been doing it for, like -- >> yeah, december 28th, 1987 is when i started. [ cheers and applause ] at a place called bonkerz comedy club. >> jimmy: bonkerz? >> how about that? it always ends with a "z" or "s." >> jimmy: i love -- i started with bananas. bananas is my start. >> that's how it works. and it's been amazing, because i've been playing vegas on the 15th and 16th of february at the
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orleans. >> jimmy: now, you played vegas before, right? >> yeah, well -- you know, at the beginning, you're playing -- you know, you're in a room with 82 people who got a coupon to get off the floor. [ laughter ] come on, i get back to the tables. >> jimmy: yeah. >> now, i get -- because of the success of "mike and molly," i get to go and there's 1,000 people waiting there. it's just amazing. >> jimmy: no way. congratulations. >> thank you. you as well. >> jimmy: couldn't happen to a better guy. that's awesome. where are you playing? >> i'll be at the orleans, february 15th and 16th. >> jimmy: the orleans in vegas, that's a big deal. just to even -- i want to get a photo of your name on the marquee. >> you know what? i did that. the first time i performed there, i was at the mirage, and i did that very thing. because it used to be, you'd pull into these gigs, like a holiday inn -- i'm sure you remember this. >> jimmy: of course. >> instead -- now, you go to vegas, your name is in lights. >> jimmy: wow. >> you pull into them, you know, holiday inns, it's like -- you know, prime rib, $5.99. and billy gardell. [ laughter ] it's been a nice thing. >> jimmy: yeah, a nice gig. well, "mike and molly" is a giant, giant hit. congratulations. >> thank you, man. >> jimmy: so funny. you're doing great on it. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you, guys. thank you. >> jimmy: but, interesting story how you got it. >> yeah. i was getting ready to leave
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hollywood, man. i just had enough. and i got a 9-year-old son at home, who was at the time six, and i hadn't booked anything in like two years. and so i figured, you know -- this isn't more important than my family. so i was ready to just go back. my buddy in pittsburgh has a radio show. he was going to put me on there, do the morning show. but i'd be able to go home and go to my family stuff. a good living, have a creative outlet. i was all good with that. i said, i'm going ot ride out one more pilot season. i got six auditions in three months. and the sixth audition, the last one before i was going to leave hollywood, was "mike and molly." >> jimmy: is that right? oh, my goodness. so there you go. [ cheers and applause ] now, it's running the third season, right? >> yeah, we're in our third, and it looks like we're headed to our fourth. and a portion -- you know, my co-star melissa mccarthy, just becoming a rocket in movies. she's just amazing to watch. and we have a great cast, man. everybody in my cast, i love. reno wilson, who plays my partner, i've known him eight years, and we ended up on the show together. so it's been a real gift. >> jimmy: isn't that fun? well, i love the show and, of course, i'm a fan of you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i have a clip of billy gardell on "mike and
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molly." take a look at this. >> oh. how long does it take this glue to dry? >> you have to hold it in place for about ten minutes. grab that block of wood so we can tap it into place. [ laughter ] >> you said it'd take ten minutes. >> that's for wood, not gloves. yank it off of there. otherwise we're going to have to hang a picture over it. [ audience ohs ] >> good glue, bad wood. [ laughter ] >> grab the gun. i'll hold this in place. >> ow. damn it. the ten minute thing is a load of crap! oh! [ audience ohs ] >> ow! it's in my eye. >> i gave you safety goggles. here, let me get it. >> hurry. it's hurting. i can't see. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they don't do it like that anymore. that's great. >> old school, brother. old school. >> jimmy: that's old school. i love it. billy gardell, everybody! "mike and molly" airs mondays at 9:30 p.m. on cbs. go to billygardell.com for his stand-up info.
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ultraista performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, guys. be sure to tune in tomorrow night. from the new thriller "side effects." the talented jude law will be here. [ cheers and applause ] he's about to start touring around the country with his one-man show. mike tyson will be here. [ cheers and applause ] coming to unveil the coolest new gadgets, our resident tech
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expert joshua topolsky will be here. [ cheers and applause ] sitting in with the roots, we have michael bolton. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from bad religion. that's all tomorrow night. going to be fun. but get ready, you guys. our next guests are making their first appearance on our show to perform the song "gold dayzz" from their self-titled debut album. please welcome ultraista. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ gold days give them away you ought to know what a difference it could make ♪ ♪ the whole town is burning while the wheels keep turning
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gold days what i can say ♪ ♪ you didn't care now you're giving it away i'm hopeless and yearning ♪ ♪ it makes a man very hard to take ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ gold days give them away ♪ ♪ you ought to know what a difference it could make
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the markets are earning ♪ ♪ while the winds keep turning gold days what can i say ♪ ♪ you didn't care now you've giving it away i'm hopeless and yearning ♪ ♪ it makes a man very hard to take ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cool, man. ultraista! thank you. ultraista, pick up their new album, right here. my thanks to lucy liu, billy gardell, ultraista! [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in late
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night, the roots right there, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for my man, carson daly. thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ >> carson: hey, everybody. carson daly here to guide you through yet another edition of "last call." we're at the roger room for

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